The Heroes of Maple World: An Ellinel Fairy Academy Play
by ejwalker
Summary: Or, The Results of Combining a Negative Opinion on the Heroes' Latest Outfits With the Hypothesis That Fairy Children Have Similar Style in Both Play Writing and Costume Design. Oneshot.


"Why did we say we'd help the fairy kids with their play? I'm sure they would have done fine on their own. They didn't really _need_ us to play ourselves..."

"Stop whining, Phantom," Mercedes ordered. "Nobody forced you to do this. You agreed to participate, and you can't back out now. We just finished the second act! This is a very bad time to have second thoughts."

"But my hair is FLUFFY!" Phantom moaned - not too loudly of course, since the only people he wanted to hear him were the other heroes, who were all standing backstage with him. "I don't know what Woonie did to it, but it's so fluffy I'm gonna die!"

"It's just a little fluffy in the back," said Evan consolingly. "Your hat hides most of it. And at least it's still the right color." Unlike the dragon master's hair, which Ephony had insisted on dyeing. None of the heroes were sure whether fairies had a thing against brunettes, or if they just liked blond so much that they wanted three blond heroes instead of two.

"Why are _you_ complaining?" Luminous had his usual Phantom-is-annoying scowl on. "If Aran can take this patiently, you have no excuse."

Aran shifted nervously. "Please don't bring me into this," he muttered. "I figured Phantom could make enough fuss for all of us." The axe warrior had not been happy when Tracy told him that he was expected to play a female version of himself, but he'd surrendered to the indignity of a long white wig with amazingly few protests.

"And I'm making so much fuss partly because he isn't making any! Somebody has to." Phantom waved his arms around dramatically. "I mean, out of the four of us, Aran is the one _least_ capable of portraying a girl. Even Mercedes would do a better job of pretending to be a guy!"

Both Luminous and Mercedes glared at Phantom, but Aran spoke up before they could verbally attack the thief. "What, you want to have a complaining competition? Fine." He put on an exaggerated pout. "They wouldn't let me use Maha. Instead I have to hold this flimsy little prop axe and hope I don't break it accidentally."

Evan saw that Aran was trying to change the mood from actual discontent to the playful kind, and giggled. "It's better than hoping you don't break something else. Maha is pretty solid; I don't think he'd lose an encounter with the scenery."

Aran tried and failed to keep a grin off his face. "Well, Evan, _you_ got lucky with the costumes," he pointed out. "Except for the hair, you look almost exactly like Freud."

Evan shrugged. "That's who I'm s'posed to be. I'm not used to such a long robe, but it's not bad. The headband though..." He took a moment to reach up and adjust it, wincing. "I hate this pointy part they put in the center! It keeps poking me."

Phantom cheerfully took up his rant again. "As for _my_ hat, they totally messed it up! The mask has no eye-holes! If I ever wore the thing properly, I couldn't see a thing. And the feathers are all wrong! They have fluff at the bottom, and they look like someone dipped them in blue paint."

"How should they look?" asked Aran, ignoring the frown Luminous gave him for encouraging the thief.

"There should be lighter shades of blue in the middle," Phantom answered, also ignoring Luminous. "The white should blend naturally into the dark blue. But that's not the worst thing. This cape... has epaulets on the shoulders!"

"My goodness, how horrible," Mercedes said, rolling her eyes.

Phantom turned on her and waved his arms around again. "Come on, your majesty! Surely you know that epaulets _never_ go on capes. They go on the uniform underneath. I thought everybody knew that!"

"It does seem a little... out of place," Evan admitted.

"See?" Phantom grinned smugly. "Even the farm boy knows. Isn't there something you hate about your outfit, your majesty?"

"Not really," she replied slowly. "It _is_ a bit... Well, it does seem more like a business woman's suit than a queen's armor. And this belt..." She trailed off.

Aran added a helpful comment. "It looks like something a commando would wear."

Mercedes laughed. "Exactly. Not at all the 'graceful elf' look."

"What about you, Luminous?" asked Evan. "You aren't perfectly happy with your costume either, are you?"

Luminous looked off to the side, only to find himself staring at his reflection. He quickly looked away again. "What is that mirror doing there?"

"It's so we can check our appearance before going on stage," said Mercedes. "You aren't avoiding the question, are you?"

Phantom smirked. "You've got me curious, Lumi. What's so bad about your clothes that you can't stand to look at yourself?"

"Do not call me Lumi," the light mage growled. He paused for a moment while everyone looked at him expectantly, then sighed. "The boots are too plain..."

"All our boots are too plain." Aran glanced down at his. "And except for Mercedes, we've all got the same color: brown. Bor-ing..."

"It can't be just the boots that are bothering you," insisted Phantom. "What else?"

Luminous sighed again. "This pendant is too fancy, I miss my corded belt, and I have never worn a hairclip - or whatever this thing is - before in my life. This gravity-defying scarf is simply absurd, and... that is all."

Mercedes frowned at his sudden ending. "Really? It seemed like you were going to say something else there..."

Luminous froze for a moment, then stared at the floor and mumbled, "Phiny's haircut took all the blue off the lower ends of my hair."

"Is that so?" The elf queen chuckled. "Well, I suppose I can't say anything since Tosh didn't do much with my hair."

"He's lying."

"What?!" Luminous's head jerked upward and he sent Phantom a murderous look.

"Well, maybe you really _don't_ like the haircut. I'm not saying that's a lie. But you're definitely hiding what you hate most about your outfit." Phantom tapped his chin, observing the light mage's costume more closely. "Is it the fact that your inseam's visible? Is that the problem?"

Luminous turned slightly red in the face.

Mercedes gasped, "Phantom!"

Aran made strangled noises as he struggled to not laugh so loud that the audience would hear. "That might be it, you know," he said once he'd calmed down. "Don't you remember how much trouble we had getting him to stop wearing the full dress-style robes, Mercedes?"

The young dragon master glanced between the older heroes curiously. His gaze stopped on Phantom.

The thief shook his head at Evan. "Before I joined. So what happened?" he asked Mercedes.

The elf queen smiled. "I remember... Aran wanted someone to spar with, and Luminous was the only one physically capable of keeping up with him... at least, he came closer than the rest of us. But Luminous couldn't do it in his heavy skirts, so Freud was trying to convince him to wear a more battle-ready robe. It wasn't going well..."

"Freud declared a beach day," Aran continued the story. "Luminous was so busy gaping at Mercedes that he forgot to be embarrassed for himself. When we got home he finally cooperated with Freud to design a robe that wouldn't hinder Luminous's movement in close combat, but would still feel like a proper magician's clothes."

"What?" exclaimed Phantom. "I missed seeing her majesty in a swimsuit?!"

Mercedes smacked the side of his head. "It was a very _decent_ swimsuit. Luminous only stared because he had an over-developed sense of modesty."

"That sure wasn't Freud's excuse," Aran said under his breath. Only an elf could have heard him, and if she did, she chose not to respond.

"It was not over-developed," grumbled Luminous, refusing to look anyone in the eye.

"Was, and is," Phantom declared.

Luminous threw his shining rod prop at the thief.

Phantom caught the stick and tossed it back, saying, "Oh, look at the time! We better get the third act started before our little supervisors come looking for us!" He darted out onto the stage.

Solemn music played as the curtain lifted. Phantom began reciting his lines just as solemnly, not letting on that he had been objecting before the show about the script being melodramatic to the point that it was ridiculous.

"This world is a world of sadness and sorrow, and also sadness! I warn thee, commander of evil and friend to the Black Mage, I will never allow you to rest in peace, except when I make you rest in peace! I have stolen gems and masterpieces from millions of fancy people, but the last thing I will take... IS YOUR LIFE!"

"You know," Mercedes said quietly to the others, "the script has us saying some pretty weird stuff... but when Phantom goes out there, he only seems a tiny bit out of character."

"That's 'cause Phantom's a natural at acting," Evan told her. "I'm almost sure parts of his personality are completely pretend."

"You mean we don't know Phantom as well as we think we do?" asked Aran, a bit shocked.

"Why would that be a surprise?" Luminous snorted. "He is Phantom, after all."


End file.
